Will Recovering from my Eating Disorder Make me Fat?
A common question I get from folks with disordered eating histories and those working on their relationship with their bodies is “am I just letting myself go?” or “will recovery from my ED make me fat?” and I want to shed some light on both of these very important questions.
Eating disorder recovery includes taking care of your body’s needs, and sometimes this means gaining weight in recovery. If you have struggled with chaotic eating patterns and not nourishing your body, it is going to take some time for your body to adjust to eating consistently. Eating disorder recovery also means that we are tuning into and relearning our hunger cues. Our bodies are quite literally amazing and the body’s main goal is to keep us alive. That said, when we go long stretches without eating and we don’t have consistency around food, our body will forgo the hunger cue to preserve energy, kinda like plants that bloom flowers. If a plant is getting enough food, sunlight, oxygen, and water, it will blossom and bloom flowers, but if it’s not getting enough, then it won’t have enough energy to produce the flower. The same is true for humans and hunger cues.
If you struggle with the idea of gaining weight or fears of getting fat while addressing your relationship with food, you’re not alone. If your current providers, family, or friends tell you that they won’t let you get fat in recovery – it’s time to find a new provider! I am so serious about this! The real question is: how much does your relationship with food get in the way of living the life you want to live?
It is understandable that many, even those without eating disorders, have concerns about gaining weight. We live in a weight-centric society where weight loss is praised and weight gain is talked poorly about. We are also believed that thinnes is the epitome of health, and that is just not true. So if you’re wondering if you are “letting yourself go” as you begin your eating disorder journey, I might encourage you to reflect on the following questions:
So what if you did gain weight?
Where did you learn that gaining weight is bad?
What do you think you’d gain in other areas of your life if food wasn’t an issue for you?
What would it be like if you never had to go on a diet again?
Really, I invite you to spend a moment here, and really answer these questions for yourself. Perhaps you even write them down.
To answer the question “Am I letting myself go?” I think we have to unlearn what makes someone worthy. Think about your bestfriend for a moment, or a person whom you care deeply about: what qualities do they have? What do they do that makes you smile? How do they make you feel? What is something you admire about them?
Did their weight come up during any of those questions? I doubt it. We have so many more qualities than the way we look and the size and weight of our bodies. I know that you have amazing qualities about you too! I think that the only thing we are letting go of is the weight to be a certain size and shape. Finding the right therapist can help you clarify and define your values and cultivate compassion for you and your body.
If you are looking for more support on your body image or eating disorder journey, schedule an appointment with one of our providers today!
